So I’ve been kicking around the idea of starting up a blog for awhile now, and as I look around this wonderful world of ours I keep seeing more and more opportunity to write my own zany/smart-ass review of it all. But before I get in to that, there’s something I need to do…
CREATE A UNIQUE AND CATCHY NAME!
Something that encaptures the essence of my existence and portrays it to my readers in a way fit for such a self-proclaimed genius. Ultimately, the idea of “Coffee and Corn Chips” was decided upon…..and so it was done.
Now, for the explanation:
Aside from it’s obvious awesomeness and it’s status as a divine nectar to those of us working that office grind, it holds a more significant role in the development of “ME”. Ever since I entered the workforce, I had always been a night owl and worked the closing shift. It always seemed to be 1:30 – 10:00, 2:00 – 10:30, or some other variant there of. Stay up until 2am bs’ing on the computer because there was nothing else to do, sleep until noon, wash and repeat. Alas, the fated day arrived where I would enter the white collar workforce and be ripped from my nocturnal antics and cast into a purgatory of daylight ridden monotony. This transition was made possible by one drink and that one drink only: COFFEE. To make my physical and mental dependence on this luscious pallet pleasurer more immediate was that my department also had a deal with our “resource recovery” department, and we had (almost) unlimited access to bent/rejected cans of coffee grinds……for free. My caffeine levels are still trying to get back to normal, 9 years later.
Working too much and playing too little made me a resourceful and cynical lil’ bastard. Convinced that I could stretch every nickle as far as it could, I saved every coin that came across my desk in a change tray. I also acknowledge that I am a bit of a fat bastard, so hunger is a constant annoyance of my consciousness. Obviously, I then used the occasional sum of change to grab some munchies from the breakroom vending machine. So what will it be today? Pop-tarts? Nah, they’re the most expensive thing in there. Doritos? Pretzels? Trail Mix? They’re all the same price, but lets take a closer look…Ah HA! Frito’s has the highest net weight! Because when you’re pinching every nickle (no, not pennies. They weren’t accepted in the vending machine) even that additional 0.25oz makes a difference! Plus, they were greasy as hell, meaning they would sit in my stomach like a brick. As unappetizing as that sounds, it also meant that I would “feel full” and not feel the need to snack as much later. In retrospect, I’m fairly certain there would have been an easier, healthier, and cheaper way to accomplish this, but back then it made perfect sense!
Together, those two consumables, Coffee and Corn Chips, fueled my way though my years as an intern in an engineering office and through college.
Since then, I’ve learned, experienced, commented on, condemned, retracted condemnation, experimented, hypothesized, philosophized, confirmed, indulged, created, destroyed, argued, agreed, loved, hated, laughed with, laughed at, sympathized, empathized, apathized, criticized, mobilized, belittled, embolden, motivated, encouraged, enraged, humored, defied, deified, antagonized, patronized, and rocked out in some unlikely places with some unusual people. But most of all, I have learned. Learned that Occam’s Razor hold more truth than Murphy’s Law. Learned that most people will not read an entire 266 page study; just the 40 word summary in the Daily News and then (mis)quote the study in an argument later with someone who only read the heading of the Daily News article summarizing the study.
And it will be with that fervor that I analyze and hopefully bring a grounded sense of clarity to this world around us through this blog. BEHOLD! The opinions, rants, and baseless observational commentary of an arm-chair intellectual. All of which fueled on……
…..Coffee and Corn Chips.